Previous i was chiming in on a forum thread about rules in polyamorous relationships today. As a solamente individual, individual autonomy and duty are very important to any or all areas of my entire life. Therefore IвЂ™m averse to being in relationships where lovers make difficult rules to manage or restrict one another вЂ” which will be a big reasons why traditional monogamy does not benefit me.
But We have developed some pretty important guidelines for myself.
IвЂ™M WRITING a written book about non-standard methods to relationships.Want to aid? Just simply Take this study to fairly share your views and experiences of relationships that arenвЂ™t on societyвЂ™s relationship escalator that is standard.
Most of my guidelines for myself stem from my four core values in relationships:
- Shared respect and consideration (exactly how we treat one another)
- Self and autonomy obligation (how exactly we each look after ourselves)
- Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
- Joy (because otherwise, whatвЂ™s the true point?)
These values give my relationship objectives: items that my group of guidelines collectively seeks to realize:
- Preserving integrity: being the form of individual i do want to be.
- Handling danger: maintaining myself safe
- Linking with other people in manners which are significant, deep, and constructive
- Supporting, considering and others that are respecting
- Feeling happy, fulfilled and happy
- Private development: continuing to master and develop
- Boosting my resilience and strength
- Keeping stability and stress that is managing discomfort and chaos in my own life
Before we have into my directory of guidelines, i’d like to explain why We have them.
IвЂ™ve discovered, through experience, me be the best person I can be that they help. They assist guarantee without coming at the expense of others, which in turn helps me personally be here better for others if they need me personally that we keep residing a life thatвЂ™s great for me personally. They assist me find out whenever a provided situation or relationship may or is almost certainly not a silly risk.
Each one of these guidelines is founded on my personal personal knowledge about relationships and life, specially as a polyamorous and solo person. ThereвЂ™s a ton of faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, mistakes, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these guidelines. The whole thing is quite individual and appropriate for me вЂ” your mileage, since constantly, can vary.
The answer to these guidelines is me, not to my partners that they apply to. Finally theyвЂ™re exactly how we make decisions regarding how exactly to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.
We donвЂ™t need that my lovers or metamours reside as much as my criteria, or do things my means; but they are wanted by me to know in advance how I make choices about my relationships. ThatвЂ™s only fair.
These guidelines use whether or otherwise not IвЂ™m in an important relationship. Plus they help me to makeвЂ” that is sure i actually do begin to enter into relationships that include significant opportunities of feeling, time, logistical factors, etc. вЂ” why these connections stay an excellent possibility of being mutually useful rather than unduly high-risk or difficult.
Therefore: they are my guidelines just; your mileage might vary. We provide these as one example of this types of individual guidelines or criteria that would be ideal for anybody вЂ” but particularly for solamente individuals, and particularly for solamente poly individuals.
AggieвЂ™s rules for Aggie:
- Consideration and respect. We donвЂ™t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or who suggest a willingness that is clear tendency to do this. If individuals repeat this, IвЂ™ll inform them it is an issue. IвЂ™ll probably give them a few opportunities so long as theyвЂ™re perhaps perhaps not egregiously rude. However if a negative pattern (deliberate or otherwise not) emerges inside their behavior, IвЂ™ll distance myself. Likewise, we strive to always respect and give consideration to my lovers and metamours. If they let me know whatever they require, we you will need to listen, negotiate and provide them the thing I can ( or perhaps truthful if we canвЂ™t).